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starts anew?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 @ 11:30 am

I told yanling that this post will be happier but suddenly no mood. sorry ya. I don't even have mood to post a photo. Maybe tomorrow?

Sometimes, I hope everything can restart. Like playing a game, when you know you're losing, or even when you lost, you can always restart. But that does not imply to us, in real life. It is easier said then done. People tends to not know what's happening, especially when you don't open your mouth and tell them. Have they ever thought that not everything are so easy to be said out? It can be very awkard or even the person just do not have the courage to say. Sometimes, I pity people who do not have understanding friends by their side.

For my case, I hope my friends will still be as understanding. I've become very stubborn on several things. Or maybe quite alot? I don't know. Friends who are always tolerating with me are called true friends. They do get unhappy, and they tell me. I am not upset upon them telling me, in fact, I appreciate. It just shows that they do care about me. If a person do not care about you, he/she will not bother to even talk to you.

Lynnette has been really "loving" lately too. She asked me out. We haven't been hanging out for very long and I really meant longggggg. Meiyi has been the middle person for quite a number of things. I know about her difficult position but still, I remained stubborn. Well, but isn't this why we tends to love Meiyi more? (: I've already tried to compromise. abit. That's the most I can give. Alot of things have been revolving around me. Things that I've decided to ignore, but they just kept coming and coming, thus leaving me no choice to ignore. Now, I can't simply ignore. You just don't know how I really feel, how reluctant I am, but I still had to give in... So much so that I told myself I am never going to give in. Not anymore to anything. I've reached my limit. Especially to double headed people.

And my parents aren't as nice as what you people have seen. Do you know I have to go through alot before I can have some freedom? I'm being abit too much to be asking more and more from them. They are very unhappy with me. I haven't told them about class chalet. I doubt they'll nod their heads upon knowing. It's like I can't solve a problem outside, and there's problems to be solved at home. How much brain juice do I need to convice my parents? Not all parents are the same, mine is exceptional, I should say. They make decisions depending on their mood. On "Rainy days", all answers will be NO and on "sunny days", it will depends on situation. Whats worst? Doesnt mean they say Yes now, means yes all the way. If one of them says No, the answer will end up No. How nice? How would you feel?

I even cried silently, no one knows how bad this feels. Try standing in my shoes... It's not easy to go through till today. As time passes, I learn to face things with a smile on my face. But not always the smile is natural, and it's been quite awhile I laughed my heart out. I just simply don't feel good now. I can't bring myself to type happily and smiling infront of my laptop.

I am not ranting, I am just sharing my feelings and maybe you can understand me better. If you take this as an offence then just ignore. Because you are still as selfish to only think about yourself.

P.S: Please don't ask me who, I don't want to say.

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